If (like me) you have spent your life denying or minimising or distracting yourself as a way to cope with your past – then actually FEELING things about what happened to you now that you are in therapy can feel overwhelming and can feel worse.
But it’s ok. It’s really ok. It’s part and parcel of facing the past – of thinking and processing the memories. It’s like you have had a festering boil of pain inside you that’s caused you problems and now you are taking the dirty dressing off and probing it – with the help of your Therapist – to let some of the pus out. And it hurts like hell. But it has to come out so that healing can begin. It will only continue to fester and cause you more problems in the long run.
It is a difficult journey. I liken it to walking up the mountains in the Lake District. It’s a slow painful climb and you think you’re at the top but all you’ve climbed is a small hill – and you see other steeper hills that you need to climb and sometimes you don’t feel you have the strength to do it and you wish you could go back down. Sometimes I can feel lost and alone on the mountain and then I find other people on the journey too (pandys) and they give me a “leg up” so to speak to encourage me to keep going.
Take it a step at a time. Try not to look to far ahead. Be gentle on yourself. This is new territory for you and sometimes the familiarity of how we used to cope can seem better than this new place we find ourselves in.
As you climb each steep painful slope – the views will be different – you will be faced with new challenges but your Therapist can be with you to hold your hand and help you on the journey.